Summer Fat

All of my friends are skinny. My Aunt actually runs a Slimming World group as a job. She’s never gone above a size 14, as far as I can tell, and as a 30 something with 2 kids in the last 4 years, has a better figure than I’ve ever had. Or at least a better one if you want to talk about size being the  denominator of ‘beautiful’. She lives the creed of Slimming This is sometimes a problem for me, I must admit. I have some mental health/mood issues, and I get seriously envious of the people I know who have more friends than me/a better job/a baby on the way. I wonder how they got it and I can’t, and I imagine myself one day in the future doing something like that. It’s something along the lines of a Fat/Skinny Fantasy. As pointed out by Angry Gray Rainbows, we all have them. Or have had them.

This weekend I enjoyed the sunshine of the first real weekend of summer in the UK. I attended a wedding and hung out in an adorable barn conversion with our friends. I wore a unique dress by Jane Bon-Bon, wore my waist long hair down and free, and put on some ridiculous wooden four inch platforms. I looked fab, even if I couldn’t walk. I changed into some flat slip on sandals, and danced a Ceilidh with all my skinny friends. Later on I danced badly to cheese music, and drank a lot. I felt like a twenty-something again,  and my size didn’t matter. It was glorious. That I am fat, and that my partner is fat, had no relevance. I may not have a stellar career ahead of me, but I have a solid relationship and I have my health. My ‘skinny friends’ were having more health and relationship problems than I – the fantasy, the voyuerism of looking in on their lives, was torn away and I was left with the reality that at the end of the day we are all human.

I’m trying to stop waiting for things to happen, including myself to suddenly love my body. I have noticed that there are many things which I do which skinnier women than I shy from. I walk around naked in the public showers at the gym. Well, not completely naked, but it is a far cry from the swimming costumes that I donned when I was 15 and a measly size 14(UK).

I have glorious, long hair that I love, although I frequently contemplate dying it a deep red. My complexion is not great, but with a little care I still get a youthful glow on my face, especially if I remember to smile. These things will be with me whether I am skinny or fat. Being skinny will not clear up my tendancy to spots around my mouth and my temples. Being skinny will not make my knees less likely to be afflicted by arthritus when I am older.

Being skinny will not make it easier to find bras that fit. Being smaller will not make my friends, parents or partner love me any more than they already do. Being skinny will not make me a better worker, or more successful. Being skinny will not make belly dancing or walking more enjoyable for me.

So, happily, I am on the road to living my fat fantasy – enjoying my life, no matter what my size is.

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~ by Pewter on June 2, 2009.

2 Responses to “Summer Fat”

  1. I am honored to be linked into such a lovely post! I really love the bit about no longer waiting for things to happen – such as self-love/body-love. That is an idea that I’d like to chew on and apply more in my own life!
    To expand on the idea that being skinny won’t make your life more enjoyable, etc… trying to attain skinniness when you’re not meant to be skinny CAN cause all sorts of problems, including career problems and health problems. So, yeah! It is far more beneficial to be fat if your body likes being fat. Thinness is no good at the expense of ones health. If you’re naturally skinny… that’s a different story, of course. 😉 Whatever your natural body shape, I say – enjoy it!

    • definitely! My friends have a lot of enviable things about their lives, but the differences in our problems and our successes are not down to our waist sizes. They’re down to personality, action, and genetics.

      Not waiting for things is something I’ve been mulling over since I first stumbled into FA about a year ago. It’s taking a while for all the various lessons to settle in though!

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